05.S02 Chapter Five, Snippet Two

New Prairie Woman
Susie Rosso Wolf
Chapter Five, cont'd.


             We spent about an hour in the restaurant killing time while entertaining the girls. Kurt went through an entire roll of quarters trying to win stuffed toys from a machine. Cricket laughed at his lack of skills and pushed him out of the way to commandeer the controls. In under a minute she had a giant yellow duck in her hands, leaving Uncle Kurt in the dust! He played with them so well; it was easy to see his love for both of them. I was touched by the attention he paid to my great nieces. And while he doted on the darling little angels, Brenda and I couldn't help but talk about the old days, remembering so many of our antics together, while drinking more coffee and wishing I had ordered something to eat. But before we knew it the time had come to head out to the parking lot; we would follow Brenda over to the airport as we were unfamiliar with the area and then she would follow us inside the parking lot so that Kurt could find a suitable parking spot, one that was as far enough away from other cars as possible so that no one would scratch his beloved Blackie. During the drive over, my hands were soaked in perspiration and I couldn't stop picking at my fingernails. Feeling like a caged animal, I desperately wanted to get out of that truck. Filled with anxiety, I began to panic. “What if this all goes wrong? What if he looks at us grabs the girls by the hand and drags them off in anger?”           

            “Think positive,” Kurt said.

            “Okay,” I whispered as I looked out the window while fear grabbed hold of my voice. It was all coming down to this now. This was my make it or break it moment when I would know unequivocally, if peace would find a home in our mutual hearts.

            “Take it easy Baby,” Kurt said so gently.

            “I’m trying.”

            “Just breathe Susie, it’s going to be okay.” A moment later he opened his cigarette case and pulled out a smoke pole and put it to his lips.

            “You’re not smoking that thing in here,” I demanded, and he shot me a look of disdain. He rolled down his window then lit the cigarette. The smoke blew right into the cab of the truck which sullied my mood. “You know you can’t smoke anywhere near me, what are you doing?”

            “Would you just relax? You’re making me nervous!”

            “Put that thing out or I’ll make hamburger meat out of you in a minute!”

            “Susie, knock it off,” he said as he snuffed the smoke out with the fingertips of his left hand out the window.

            “I don’t know how you can do that Kurt. How can you touch that hot burning coal?”

            “I’ve been doing it most of my life.” I looked at him and felt bad, knowing the chains that bound him to the habit. I stopped nagging him just as Brenda turned into the Ontario Airport parking lot. She pulled up to a parking ticket booth and we pulled in right behind her. Snowflake and Cricket both turned around in their seats to look at us and waved with comical exhilaration. Brenda paid for her ticket, then moved forward and pulled over to the side of the right lane. We paid and pulled through then she fell back in line and followed us to the back of the lot. Side by side, our vehicles were finally there. I sat for a long moment in meditation, praying silently to Divine Mother, asking for calming peace to fill me up and settle me down as my nerves were jumping a mile a minute now. Peace in, harmony out, peace in, harmony out…I blew each breath with this mantra until I settled down a little. Kurt looked at me then held my hand. We both sat silently for another long moment.