10.S01 Chapter Ten, Snippet One

New Prairie Woman
Susie Rosso Wolf
Chapter Ten

               Early the next morning after the big storm Cutter and Dinky sat up and growled and then broke into a full bark that preceded a light wrapping on our trailer door. Kurt jumped up, threw on his jeans while I slid deeper under the covers making sure I wasn't exposed in any way. The moment I heard his voice I was relieved, finally someone came by to check on us. The first words out of his mouth were if we were all right. My heart jumped with excitement knowing that he cared. As if the old Robert were back and all the drama and trauma and hurtful pain were finally, completely behind us. Yes, in that moment I truly felt that Robert had put it all aside so that we could move on from our mistakes and become a loving, caring, family. I felt it so deeply that my face broke out in a wide giggly smile as I heard him enter the trailer with his enormous feet in the giant heavy snow boots each footstep resonating on the hollow trailer floor as his words rang out in his deep bass toned voice, “Hey lazy get your butt out of bed.”

“Good morning Robert. To what do we owe the honor of this visit?” I asked in an over exaggerated British accent just goofing around.

“Oh I just thought I’d come by and check in on you city slicks. Ya’ll warm enough in this thang? It’s darned cold out there.” Right away Kurt answered his question by describing the power and reliability of the heater unit built into the trailer.

“ Oh yeah, this thing cranks out the heat man, it’s plenty warm in here,” Kurt said as he tapped the heater unit that was installed into the wall next to the kitchen sink.

“Well that’s good. Now ya’ll just need to get out to Murdock’s and get some real winter wear or you’re gonna freeze your hiney’s off.”

“We have plenty of coats and jackets,” Kurt answered.

“You might think the stuff you brought from LA is warm enough but I’m gonna tell you right now no matter what you brought up here it ain’t warm enough and ya’ll got to get out to Murdoch’s and get yourselves some Carhart’s and some warm enough boots and socks and gloves you need thermal underwear and something to cover your big ugly heads or you will freeze out there.” He was teasing us now but also very serious in his message. My heart skipped a beat knowing his concern and I felt like a schoolgirl with a mad crush and giggled to myself that I was happy about the attention he was showing us, the interest he gave in our wellbeing. I remember asking myself why I cared so much about him and any time that he spared for us, as I listened to him describe to Kurt in detail what we needed to purchase so that we could survive the cold weather that we were about to experience in full measure for months on end. I quickly answered my question as I rolled over on the bed a little to look up at him while he spoke; it was because I loved him. I really loved this kid, who wasn’t a kid anymore. I really loved him. His hazel eyes shined in the early morning light that came peeking through the tiny trailer window shades in a snow-covered intensity so bright it was indescribable. He was a beautiful little golden boy and now he is a beautiful man with dark hair, thick dark eyebrows, perfectly trimmed mustache and the olive skin of our Italian ancestors blended so well with those eyes of his mother’s. Yes, I loved this kid who became a man while I wasn’t looking. At least, by all appearances he was a man. Robert had pronounced his manhood when he was fifteen years old but we all knew he was just a child. Constantly telling all of his family that “I’m a man now.” A real man does come by his aunt and uncle’s trailer to check on them and to instruct them about the type of winter wear they need to stay warm in the severe elements, doesn’t he? Yes, he has become a man. Perhaps the lessons of the past issues and his rejection of me, of us, has helped him become even more of a man now, I contemplated, as he and Kurt talked on about what we should expect to come in the next couple of months in Montana. “Just remember one thing ya’ll, you’re always welcome up at the house if things get too rough out here. Okay? And if ya’ll need anything you let me know. Keep your cell phones charged and your curtains closed and that will help keep the heat in. And by the way, I’ve been meaning to tell ya’ll that you need to watch out for coyotes. It really isn’t coyote season but they’re getting hungrier the colder it gets up top the mountains so watch for them coming right down this hill here and looking on at these guys. Keep your eyes and ears open all the time out here, this is still the frontier prairie and the critters still rule around these parts, okay? It doesn’t take much for a coyote to take down a domestic dog. ”

Kurt and I looked at each other and then in concert we both looked down at the dogs with fear and worry. Robert recognized our concern and reminded us that we can listen to the calls and screams of the coyotes which will warn us to get the dogs inside the trailer. “Kurt, won’t you be scared now to go potty outside at night?” Immediately upon asking my question both Kurt and Robert broke out in hysterical laughter with their faces turning bright red and their eyes rolling in their heads and Robert’s belly jiggled and Kurt began to cough uncontrollably.

“Oh Kurtie don’t be scared to go potty out in the dark the big bad coyotes won’t get you!” Robert teased Kurt in a high pitched voice attempting to imitate a child while he cracked up so hard he too began to cough. I glared at both of them with my best stink eye pretending to be offended by their behavior. I guess my question was fairly girlish, very weak in their minds, so I began to laugh along with them at the thought of my husband going “potty” outdoors in the dark night on the prairie with wild coyotes lurking about. I could see the humor, indeed, so I too laughed and laughed as they instructed me in the proper way to address a man’s outdoor urination experience.

“It’s called taking a leak not going potty, dear.” Kurt was shaking his head and giving me a look as if he thought I was an idiot.

“Well I’m sorry but I’m not accustomed to speaking man language about peeing in the woods or on the prairie or wherever we are so excuse me.” They continued to tease me for several more minutes and then Robert decided to head back to the big house so he could get ready for work and head out to Bozeman.

“Ya’ll have a good day and make sure you get into Murdoch’s for some good gear, ya hear me?”

“Yeah man, we were heading in to the bank for some final business on the loan anyway. I think we’re signing the papers today and we’re stopping by Montana Homes of Belgrade to meet our general contractor on the build. We’ll stop by Murdoch’s on the way out,” Kurt explained.

“All right then, that’s good. I’m glad ya’ll are breaking ground soon, I’m happy for you.”

“Thanks Rob!” Both Kurt and I said together.

Later that morning we made our way up to the big house to use the bathroom to get cleaned up and to let Brenda and April know that we would be gone for several hours. Neither one of us mentioned the events of the day before and the fact that they refused to answer my frantic calls. We decided to drop the subject and ignore what had happened. Brenda knocked on the bathroom door while I was brushing my teeth. We talked for a few minutes while I rinsed my mouth and washed my face then brushed out my long hair and then made two braids. She asked what we were going to do, if we were leaving or staying and if we were leaving could I pick her up a couple of packs of cigarettes and she would pay me back soon. She never once looked into my eyes. She looked around at the decorations in her bathroom, fiddled with the hanging guest towels, grabbed her hairbrush off the sink, but she never looked at me. I explained that I would buy the cigarettes for her if we would be near a store that sold cigarettes. “Thanks Sue,” She said.

“You’re welcome Brenda.” She turned and walked back down the hall to her bedroom. I looked at myself in the mirror while shaking my head, turning my eyes up with a typical Susie attitude, wiped my mouth after rinsing then headed out the back door.

09.S05 Chapter Nine, Snippet Five

Lilly braved the October 2006 snow storm from the north when it first began. She frolicked for about twenty minutes out there by herself until the wind began to blow the snow down so hard that she couldn't see.

New Prairie Woman

Susie Rosso Wolf

Chapter Nine, con't

The wind increased in intensity to a wild roar while the trailer shook violently back and forth with each massive gust coming from the north. I held onto the top of the room divider as I tried to pull myself up on my knees a little so I could slide closer to the end of the window in attempt to get a look out at the road, hoping to see Kurt pulling into the gate with the boat. As I positioned myself up with secured steadiness, I felt a chilling sensation on my hands and fingers as I placed them on the metal windowsill and glass. Ice was building up on the inside of the window, ice shaped in patterns of little mountains that looked like ski slopes. I dug my thumbnail into the little mountain to see how solid it was and much to my surprise it was already hard as a rock. This is a strange place for a beach bum, I thought to myself. If anyone who knew me back in the day when I was bodysurfing next to the Santa Monica Pier could see me now they probably would think I’ve lost my mind. The freezing rain or snow or sleet or buckets of ice or whatever the locals would call it continued to slam onto the prairie ground, covering it in a thick and dangerous blanket of terror. Even during the years I spent with Kurt in Oregon I had never seen anything like this. And the dogs hadn’t either. Needless to say, at this very moment they were living in misery and fear.

The storm worsened as did my concern for Kurt. I tried calling the big house again but the phone continued to ring four times then switch over to the message service. I left two messages asking Brenda to call me as soon as possible. Wanting to go outside to see if her car was parked in their driveway, I tried to make my way down the icy steps but could not hold onto the door to stabilize for safety. The wind would whip it right out of my hands then bash it into the side of the trailer while the dogs shook and shivered, wanting me to get back inside with them. I was eager to speak to Brenda or April because I wanted to ask them to check the weather alerts near Helena at Canyon Ferry Lake. I hadn’t heard either of their cars leave after I had visited them for breakfast, but with this storm I doubted that I would have heard anything other than my heart pounding in my chest and the whimpers of Cutter, Lilly and Dinky. The forest of overgrowth and fifty year old conifers added to the distance between the trailer and the big house made it impossible for me to see anything through our tiny windows. Not being able to connect with my family during my first big Montana storm was most unsettling.

Nearly four hours had passed since the storm began. The dogs and I remained on the bed as we endured this grotesquely odd weather experience by ourselves. It wasn’t what I had expected at all when I signed up for the move, being abandoned and alone in this wilderness. Thoughts of resentment and regret enveloped my consciousness but thankfully were interrupted by the faint yet familiar sound of Blackie’s engine. I rolled over on my side, pulled myself up, got on my knees to look out the window. Yes, it was Kurt. He was home. Home safely. I burst into tears with relief and instantly prayed to God in gratitude.

I watched from the window as Kurt backed the boat into its designated space against the fence and then open his driver’s door. Bending his head down to avoid being pelted by the icy frozen snow coming in droves now, he slowly made his way to the trailer door shielding his face with his hands. As quickly as he opened it the door flew out of his hands and banged against the trailer. Flapping in the wind the door nearly swatted Kurt but he managed to avoid being injured by grabbing it just in time and then holding onto to it so he could make his way up the frozen metal steps. He walked into the trailer to find our four fearful faces flushed in white from horror and dismay; unhappy and homesick for our sunshiny backyard and roses. But we were here now so I vowed to myself in the moment that I would not complain but toughen up, no matter what was yet to come.

Kurt described his drive back from the lake while he was toweling off and removing his shoes and wet socks. He was freezing from having to step into the freezing water while he tried to straighten the boat on the trailer at the dock. “Why didn’t you just take your socks and shoes off in the truck and blast the heat onto the floorboard?”

“Because if something went wrong on the drive and I needed to get out of the truck quickly I’d be in trouble. I can’t believe how fast the temperature dropped out there. When I left here the sun was shining and it was warm out. Now look at it.” He shivered as he sat down on the bed.

“How were the roads?”

“Not bad up near Helena but the closer I got to Three Forks the more I realized that you got hit out here pretty hard and I tried to get on the gas but the 287 was iced over and I had a few cars ahead of me that were slowing way down so I practically crawled home from Townsend.”

“I’m glad those cars were going slow it’s not smart to drive fast on the ice, don’t you see all of the crosses along the highways when you drive? They’re there for a reason!”

“Yes, mother, I know.” I laughed and then I told him that I had heard a big loud crashing noise against the front of the trailer and it sounded like glass breaking. I also told Kurt that I was concerned about Brenda and April because I still had not heard back from them and wondered if they had to go to the store or the doctor and couldn’t imagine that they wouldn’t call me if something was wrong. So Kurt put some clean socks and dry shoes on and covered up in his old Oregon blue parka and some gloves and a hat and ventured out to check on the trailer and the ladies over in the big house. While he was gone I started a meal on our tiny stove and placed some biscuits to warm in the tiny oven.

The canned stew went down without an argument and the biscuits were a comfort but it was the cherry pie that packed a punch and finally filled him up. The meal was satisfactory for the both of us but we were missing our big kitchen where all of the magic happened whenever I got near to the stove. Once again I had to remind myself though, that we were here now and I mustn’t complain, because this is what he wanted. This is his vision. His dream. And complaining would only complicate things and life is already proving to be challenging here. So I was training my mind to practice peace and harmony at all times no matter what adversity we faced. And it was a good thing that I was in training to feel peace and to practice peace and harmony throughout every aspect of my life for Kurt had just announced to me that the cinder blocks that he used to tie down the carport easy-up that he is using as a carport for Blackie were lifted up by the ferocious winds and were slammed into the front window covering of the trailer and the covering was smashed beyond repair and he also dropped the bomb on me that Brenda and April were happily watching a movie in the den while the baby was sleeping and that all was fine up at the big house. “Is the phone line out?” I asked him.

“No, the phone is working. Brenda said that April just didn’t want to talk to anyone so they weren’t answering the phone.”

“Are you serious Kurt? In a storm like this, knowing I was alone in this trailer they chose to ignore my messages?”

“I guess so.”

“Oh my God, I’ve never heard of such a thing. That’s just completely insane. Are you sure about this?”

“Yeah, I’m sure Susie. Brenda stood right there in front of April when she said they just ignored the phone all day.”

“We’ve been here three weeks and they’re already sick of us. I hope this build goes fast.”

“Don’t worry Babe, we’ll be breaking ground soon.”

“I certainly hope so Kurt, I certainly hope so.”

09.S04 Chapter Nine, Snippet Four

Miss Dinky Marie: Not a happy camper, Dinky preferred her life
in California.She was not a fan of the snow and cold temperatures.

New Prairie Woman

Susie Rosso Wolf

Chapter Nine, con't

After dragging myself away from my mountains we walked back to the trailer and I looked forward to sweeping and mopping the tiny floor space, making the beds, dusting and straightening up in general. Since we had moved in to our new residence I discovered early on that daily maintenance was vital for our health and comfort. Having three large dogs in the eight by twenty space was a breeding ground for creepy stuff to grow and dog hair flying around clinging to everything would drive me crazy with no doubt about it so I tried these wonderful new microfiber products for the floors and dusting and polishing that worked so well and saved me time, effort, backache and knee pain. The trailer was a very small area for an overweight woman of my size; it wasn’t easy for me to navigate around in there in attempt to make a home for us out of a pop can. Minute by minute I was reminded that I had ballooned out into a huge thing.

Eventually that morning our space was clean and spiffy so I decided to read for a while. I sat on the kitchen table bench with my book and a bottle of water. Not too long after reading a page or two, I hear a loud banging outside. Then I heard it again. And again. I got up and looked out the window and realized that our cab-over camper that was sitting on top of Old Blackie had been left open and the door was banging back and forth in what was now a strong wind. The sky was blacker and more ominous than what it had been up at the prayer post and the sound of the wind was howling a vicious song through the prairie. I began to panic a bit, could feel my insides flip flop and decided to call Kurt again but there was no answer. Leaving another message was all I could do other than to continue to pray that he was okay out on that lake.

Less than twenty minutes later I heard louder howling and what sounded like hail pounding the roof of the trailer. I got up and opened the door and was shocked to discover a wild hail storm and my dogs standing outside the trailer with their ears flying upwards in the wind, “Come in, hurry! Come on you guys get up here!” I hollered to them over the locomotive  sound that now had me scared to death. Cutter really struggled up the steps and seemed to be terribly upset, angry actually, that he was being exposed to this kind of experience. I bent down and placed my hands under his belly to help hoist him up the steps. Lilly and Dinky followed the old boy jumping up on the beds the moment they passed by him. Lilly was woo wooing and Dinky was barking and Cutter was laying his head between his two paws. They were afraid, and annoyed. I was afraid too, and worried. I bent down to hug Cutter and then I felt the trailer shake violently. I held onto the walls and made my way to the front window. Looking out, I witnessed an event I’d never seen in my life; as the hail hit the ground, it was stacking up in piles above the ground, freezing in its place, covering the entire property with a solid block of ice. The hail kept coming and the trailer kept rocking. I quickly sat down on the edge of my bed and held onto the dividing wall between the living room/kitchen area and the bedroom area with both hands. I felt inside my pants pocket for my cell phone, pulled it out then dialed the big house. Their phone rang and rang and rang. Where could they be? I was just there.

Lilly jumped up on the bed then Cutter followed. Dinky lay on the floor between the beds. All of us were scared. Then the sound seemed to die down and the rocking subsided. I waited a few minutes then decided to look out the window. Rolling over near the wall to move the curtains Cutter moaned a sigh of discontent. I rubbed behind his ears for just an instant and said “I’m sorry Honey Bear, it’s going to be all right, you’ll see.” I reached the window, looked out the curtain to see an unholy picture of a frozen tundra in hell. A moment later I heard a loud screeching noise of metal on metal and became alarmed beyond fear. And then the crash of glass and cracking plastic of some kind rose above the siren of wind and violence. I had no idea what was happing, I only knew it was happening to the trailer, right above my head. 

09.S03 Chapter Nine, Snippet Three

Cutter, Lilly and Dinky -  Walking on the Prairie, October 2006.

New Prairie Woman

Susie Rosso Wolf

Chapter Nine, con't

We sat and talked for a few minutes while the dogs slept at our feet then Brenda stood up and walked to the door. “Do ya wanna come over to the house to visit me and April and the baby? I’m gonna make some breakfast burritos.”

“Sure, that sounds good! Is the washing machine empty? I need to run a load if it’s okay?”

 “I don’t really know Sue, I think April has baby clothes in there from last night but we can check it out.”

“Oh, that’s okay I can always run into Three Forks to use the laundry matt.”

“Come on you old lady, get up and come with me, I’m hungry.”

I grabbed my cell phone off the little kitchen table as we walked out the door, hoping I would hear from Kurt if indeed there actually was a storm coming in. As we walked out the door I grabbed the two water jugs and dropped them off at the water hydrant on the way to the back door. Inside the house April was tending to Bella so we walked softly and quietly through the hallway past her bedroom suite trying to be quiet by chance Bella was napping again. But there was a loud distinct “Mom!” coming from the nursery inside the bedroom.

“Whatdayawant?” Brenda asked as she slurred all of the words together in her deepest North Carolina accent.

“I’m hungry!”

“I know, hang in there something’s coming soon, hang on to your panties, woman!”

“Ah! Such love between you two,” I said.

“Aunt Susie? Is that you?”

“Indeed, it is.”

“Come and see the baby!” I walked into the bedroom suite to see my great niece lying on her back on the bed and April standing over her changing her diaper. She was so beautiful, and growing. Her eyes were darting around the room and she smiled as I sang to her the little song I had created for her alone, “Miss Bella oh Miss Bella your beauty oh so rare!” Bella laughed again, a tiny little new baby laugh and my heart beat fast as I watched her squirm while April dressed her in an infant nighty.

Brenda’s breakfast burritos were delicious and I devoured two but could have stuffed three in my mouth. Since we had moved to Montana Kurt and I were famished all the time because of the hard work we were doing across the road to prepare our land for the upcoming build of Kurt’s work shop/garage and the house, and because of all of the walking back and forth, to and from the land to the trailer and to Rob’s house. We were both burning calories and it was challenging to cook in the trailer without water. So we went without proper meals sometimes, only ate snacks and pastries and fast fried food from Three Forks Market’s service deli. In Three Forks, there wasn’t a drive thru to dine at, not one. No Taco Bell, Burger King and certainly not a McDonald’s. Feeding ourselves was my daily responsibility and most dreaded challenge in our tiny little trailer kitchen. 

I finished the burritos, had another cup of coffee from Brenda’s ever going coffee maker, talked with both Brenda and April for a while, kissed Bella good-bye and then walked back to the trailer after filling up my water jugs. The dogs were anxiously circling the gate as I walked through it and Lilly howled and sang a little song for me as she ran and circled my legs when I stood to greet them. “Want to go for a walk?” Lilly woo woo wooe’d and Dinky jumped up with her front paws kicking out and Cutter barked and walked over to the trailer door where on the inside we had their three leashes hanging. I hooked them up, put the girls on my right and Cutter on my left then set out to walk over to our new property to stretch our legs and dream about living in the house that would be built and the beautiful front porch that I specifically requested so that we could sit and watch the mountains change in color, minute by minute, before our eyes.

The moment we walked onto our land I felt a sense of freedom. Although we hadn’t been in Montana long the idea of becoming a resident of Three Forks became more and more enticing and I was looking forward to meeting new people and making new friends. As we walked the land we laid down a bit of a trail through the sagebrush and prairie grass and tall stalks and weeds and cactus all the way up to the farthest corner of our property line. There was a bright orange plastic marker on the barbed wire fence that represented the division between our land and the next lot for sale, a four and a half acre parcel that I had my eyes on. I felt such a sense of peace up at this corner of the land, looking out at the Tobacco Roots and the Spanish Peaks that were already snowcapped and were rich in color and dimension. The mountains fascinated me particularly close to sunset. It was eerie and more quiet than I had ever heard in my life, standing there looking out, it was, well…it felt Holy. So Holy I began to pray each time I landed on my little dent in the soil up top of the corner of our land and it moved me so, I decided to make this my little chapel, my church where I would be able to come to pray and commune with God. Yes, this would be my place to meditate and chant and sing my devotional songs and to sort out all of my fears and troubles and to cry my eyes out if need be. This would forever be my place where I would receive the Holy Spirit and the wisdom of the great sages and gurus throughout ancient history and the healing powers of the native chiefs and medicine men throughout more recent history. There was a vibration here on this spot that I had not ever felt in any man made church, there was something out there, calling me and drawing me in. I didn’t know if it was Indian spirits or simply the magnificence of God’s love for all mankind through nature but there, I vowed to stand on this spot and open my heart up to all of the love from God so that I could receive Him.

As I stood and prayed I watched the mountains swaying in vibrant hues of black, purple and dark green while the hillsides beneath them were glowing in glorious golden brown and orange colored trees in the near distance stood tall and lonely on the prairie floor. As I watched this scene of mystery before me, I noticed a stronger breeze cover us and Lilly’s long black and white Husky mane lifted and flitted as she looked up and smiled. We stood there for a while longer and the breeze became an actual wind very quickly and the sky slightly darkened to the north. I thought of Kurt out there on the lake and prayed for his safety.  

09.S02 Chapter Nine, Snippet Two

"Blackie," pulling "Yellow Boat."

New Prairie Woman

Susie Rosso Wolf

Chapter Nine, con't

It was a beautiful day on October 10th, 2006, not too terribly cold just a brisk chill early in the morning but by eleven o’clock the sun brought soothing warmth to my bones and I relished the feeling as I dreamed of home and my gardens. My roses were all potted in five and ten gallon heavy-duty black containers now that sat behind the trailer looking completely out of place in their new surroundings.  About a week before the big move from home Kurt went into my rose garden, cut back each plant to bare bones and dug up every one of them, refusing to leave my babies behind. To say it was an act of love in its purest form is an understatement and I felt the depth of his love for me as I watched the man who spent weeks building this garden, breaking his back digging all of the many deep holes for the planting, then installed the elaborate drip system and the purple bearded iris garden and set up my rose lady fountain and then helped me to plant my beautiful ground cover that elegantly crept over the soil. To witness Kurt tear apart the beauty that he lovingly provided, to exhume the roses, brought out raw realization within me which instigated the emotional heartache I was still feeling after we arrived in Montana. So many feelings to deal with in the last few months caused a sensitivity within that was unlike anything I’d experienced ever before and sometimes I felt as though I was functioning as a total stranger, unrecognizable from the inside out.

The truth was though, that I was to blame for the raw emotion that drove me to my secret nervousness. I went along trying to act as though everything was copasetic when in fact, I was scared to death but that was my tough luck because I didn’t have the nerve to tell Kurt no. When all of the conversation about moving was going down, I clammed up each time he asked me what I wanted to do. When I wanted to scream at him and say no no no…I said, whatever. I chickened out. I played it cool, too cool. I actually told the man it was something I could not be involved in, the decision, that is. It wasn’t fair, I told him, for me to decide, because it was he who would be sacrificing so much to bring me up there to my family. It was he who would do most of the work, planning, negotiating, job searching, and making drastic financial sacrifices and taking many serious risks. Moreover, it was Kurt who would have to explain to his mother that we were scrapping our plans to eventually move back to Oregon. So, I took a neutral stand and told him this was going to have to be his decision, not mine, and that I would do whatever he wanted to do because all I cared about was that he was happy. Which, if you think about it is hysterically amusing because he was trying to make me happy by gifting me with a new life with Robert and Brenda and all I wanted was for Kurt to feel the peace and tranquility he seemed to have found in Montana. We were a real pair.  

There had been some tension when we first arrived in Montana that greatly contributed to my nervousness. Neither Kurt nor I could figure out what had changed since we had last visited in late July when we drove up to choose the design of our home and bring some money along as a down payment. All was wonderful during that last visit but now, well, there was a little bit of stale smoke in the room, so to speak. But we didn’t spend much time trying to figure it all out we simply chalked it up to them expecting a new baby nerves and the reality of having family move in on their land and all that it would entail. It was on September 28^th when attitudes seemed to have leveled out again though, as my great niece was born at Bozeman Deaconess Hospital and Kurt, Brenda and I were up to hospital until six o’clock in the morning. That was a wonderful day for us all and I was elated to have been able to be a part of her arrival; Miss Bella Rosso.

Although there was a new cheerfulness in the air Robert and April maintained their need to feel as though they were in control of their own lives which was completely understandable to us so we didn’t blink an eye when Robert was concerned about our grey water from the trailer contaminating his well water so we were asked not to hook up the water line, leaving us in a lurch for basic hygienic needs, consumptive requirements and household cleanliness which left me to the task of carrying one gallon plastic milk jugs to and from the water hydrant up near Rob’s back door. Once filled, I carried two jugs at a time back and forth to the trailer, watered the roses, then back again for more water to fill the dog’s water bowl, a huge pot on the little trailer stove for cooking needs and a large plastic bin for dish washing rinse water. The task was exhausting and had been since the moment we arrived. Every move I made left me weak in the knees, aggravated my left injured knee and back and so I found deep sleep quite easily each and every night on the full size mattress made in 1986.

Kurt was out by our yellow speed boat preparing it for its last trip of the season by hooking up to Blackie and loading the ice chest with beer and a couple of sandwiches. He just had to take his boat out one more time before the extreme weather season of Montana hit and our usual jaunts to the lake were squashed for months to come. We weren’t in California anymore where skiing at ten in the morning on Pyramid Lake on Thanksgiving Day was a tradition. Those days were merely nice memories for him now. I didn’t mind that Kurt was going boating for the day but I was concerned that he was going to a lake he’d never been to before without anyone to accompany him. Rob was busy working, Brenda was helping April with Bella and of course we didn’t know a soul in Montana, other than our family. I tried to put worry aside and smile when he was ready to leave. I would have preferred that he stayed with me that day rather than risk any accidents or issues from happening but he insisted on having one last hurrah on the water. So, I reluctantly gave my blessing for him to discover new water on Canyon Ferry Lake up near Helena.

I watched Blackie pull our yellow vintage hot rod boat up Old Town Road until I could no longer see its tail lights. I then went into the trailer to start a pot of coffee on my little two cup machine. Cutter, Lilly and Dinky followed me into the trailer, all three of them struggling to climb up the steel pull-out step, and then stepping onto the small square of carpet remnant that we used as a welcome mat. Our canine trio hadn’t been too terribly happy since we landed in Montana and parked our lovely new estate in the mud pit. They hadn’t been happy since the day I began packing up our Northridge home in late June. But they were troupers, all three of them, although they were terribly displaced and obviously missed their yard and daily routine. I was a wee bit worried about them because they weren’t young dogs after all and it had been a very long trip in the back of Zippy. The transition from the warm climate and low altitude to the thin air of the Rocky Mountains and freezing temperatures that were sure to come was something I was concerned about but Kurt insisted that they would be fine telling me each time I mentioned it that “they’re dogs, stop worrying about it .”

My cell phone began ringing just as I sipped from my coffee cup. I answered to hear Brenda’s voice asking what I was doing. Five minutes later she was at my door with her own cup of coffee from the big house, still in her bathrobe and slippers that she wore thru the dirt and gravel. The moment she opened the door the dogs began singing and barking with joy. She loved on all them for a few moments then sat down across from me on the little bench seat at the table. “I watched Kurt take off with the boat where is he going?”

“He’s going to a lake called Canyon Ferry up near Helena.”

“Why is he doing that?”

“He wants one more fling on a lake before the season ends. He wants to blow the gas out of the engine before the big freeze you guys keep talking about. He doesn’t want a lot of gas in the tank when the temperatures reach freezing so he’s going to use it all up, if he can.”

“Does he know about the storm that’s coming in?”

“What storm?”

“There’s supposed to be a big storm blowing our way from the north, I think they call it a northern front or something like that.”

“Do you mean an arctic front?”

“Yeah, that’s it!”

“Are you sure about that? It’s so beautiful outside, I can’t imagine an arctic front storm coming this way today, can you?”

“I’m only telling you what I heard on the news not too long ago, Sue.”

I grabbed my cell phone and tried to get through but Kurt’s phone went directly to message. I let him know the information Brenda had just shared with me and told him to be very careful out there. I hung up the phone, looked outside, shrugged my shoulders and went back to my coffee.

09.S01 Chapter Nine, Snippet One

Camp Wolf, Three Forks, Montana - 2006

New Prairie Woman

Susie Rosso Wolf

Chapter Nine

Our new/used twenty foot long Komfort Travel Trailer sat on Robert’s fenced-in half acre of mud, rock, prairie grass and yard debris such as cut down tree limbs and piles of dead dried up weeds. This area was a wannabe paddock for the horse Robert was dreaming of having in the future so he enclosed it with rural fencing material and a single wide horse country style gate up top of the scrap of land that opened onto Conifer Trail and Old Town Road. For now Robert used this space as his burn area for the waste he and Brenda had been cutting down since they began their build on this property that was covered with old growth Conifers, Russian Olives, prairie weeds galore and Lilacs. Basically, it was a muddy mess and an eye sore but we were grateful to have been invited by both Rob and April to park our temporary home on their land until our own prairie palace was built across the road on the land Kurt was pining over and purchased from Helicopter Dan and his wife, Tammy. We departed from Northridge on September 12, 2006 in a five vehicle caravan that crept across the Western United States to our final destination of Three Forks, Montana.

After months and miles of uncertainty we were finally rooting down in Montana. Our first two weeks as new residents of the Treasure State were filled mostly with important errands and business tasks that were all part of Kurt’s vision of a new life on the western prairie. The first thing he wanted to do was to get our California plates off of all of our vehicles so we spent an hour driving to the county seat in Townsend where we waited a scant three minutes in line at the vehicle registration window. We both remarked about the wait that was laughable compared to the hours of long lines in Los Angeles. We also noted the vast difference in attitude and demeanor of the lady behind the glass who served us. She was actually friendly and looked us in the eye, which was astounding! Anyway, from there we drove another two hours in the opposite direction to Bozeman for our Montana drivers’ licenses at the DMV. Again, another example of culture shock when the entire process lasted less than twenty minutes and the service was warm and friendly. Once we took care of our driving privilege legalities we moved on to essentials we needed in the trailer, for the dogs, fall and winter clothing for us and meetings with our banker and with Montana Homes of Belgrade where we had decided to purchase a modular home to be built and erected on our land across the road from our family.

 Although we both felt exhaustion from the spontaneous and grueling move, we were beginning to find our footing in Montana which helped us to put the memory of the physical labor behind us. Each and every day we greeted each other with a smile and a giggle, still not really believing that we had actually escaped from the madness and mayhem of California. And although we had already encountered some snow and windy weather, for the most part the onset of Fall in Montana had been lovely and colorful. 

08.S02 Chapter Eight, Snippet Two

New Prairie Woman
Susie Rosso Wolf
Chapter Eight, con't

It was a warm and windy day as the Santa Ana’s ripped through our back yard, drying all of my plants and vegetables and roses. Two full hours of watering my gardens wore me down so I decided to get into the pool. I swam some laps but mostly I just hung out on the steps and relaxed and even heated the Jacuzzi and crawled into it to soak for a while. I remarked to myself how many aircraft had flown over our home in a five minute period and was struck by the amount of smog in the air that day, leaving a deep layer of dark thick muck in the skyline that repulsed me now to think about. Helicopters and airplanes flew through the flight path over our neighborhood in Sherwood Forest while the sound of sirens rang out about every ten minutes or so as they rushed up and down Parthenia to the cop shop or the hospital. I tried to meditate and pray while I soaked, changing my perspective and looking only at my roses and water fountain and flowers and trees, but I was distracted by thoughts of Montana.

In reflection, I was a bit ashamed of myself for picking on Kurt so much about his ankle injury, his Indian walks and for droning on and on over that five acre chunk of land while we were visiting Robert. I suppose I could have been more curious and supportive of his adventurous day dreaming but I have to admit that I wasn’t quite myself in Montana. Often during our trip I felt as though I was looking in on all of us together, rather than being present in Robert’s house as if I were a ghost hovering in the room. To this day I can’t explain why I felt so odd there but I do blame myself for being unable to truly relax and just let the days flow easily and not worry about this and that and the other. But I remained uptight until the minute we drove onto Napa Street. Kurt was a dear, to drive me all the way to Big Sky Country to visit with my once estranged loved one. Indeed, my husband was a true dear one for doing such a deed and giving so deeply. I should have shown him how grateful I was for what he did, rather than allow myself to be irritated by his love for the state and all it had to offer. And I knew that he was thinking in terms of giving me my family back, like Brenda had been dreaming of praying about and pleading for, but the thought of change, big huge change, scared me to death.

I could hear the dogs barking at the front of the house and was right in my assumption that Kurt had arrived home from work. I listened as he parked Blackie in the car port, shut the car door and then walked into the family room from the front porch entrance. “Hello! Is anybody home?” 

“I’m back here in the Jacuzzi.” I listened as he put down his keys and walked towards the sliding glass door entrance to the outdoor barbeque area just next to the door. He slid the screen door open with great force so immediately I knew he was in a mood. “Hi Baby, how was your day?”

“Horrible, how was yours?”

“Mine was nice, lovely, and quiet, I didn’t do much, just rested. Why was your day so horrible, Kurt?” He opened the outdoor refrigerator that sat on top of the tiled barbecue built-in and grabbed onto a beer and shut the door. He popped the top off of a Budweiser Long Neck and then sat down on the deck after kicking off his work shoes so he could plop his feet into the water. He was tired, and it showed.

“Ah, that feels so good,” he mumbled.

“Long hard day then?”

“Where is the phone book? I need the yellow pages?”

“It’s in the family room on the chopping block underneath the phone.”

“I’ll be right back.” He got up after setting his beer on the concrete deck and then he walked back through the sliding screen door. He returned with the book in his hand and my beach towel.

“Here, dry your hands I need your help.”

“What are you looking for?”

“I want to find a real estate broker who is open on Saturday.”

“Why?” I looked at him with my eyes in stink eye mode.

“Because I want a market analysis of this house tomorrow, if possible, so we can list this house for sale by Monday. I’ve got to get us the hell out of here. This town is killing me Susie. We’re moving to Montana.”

08.S01 Chapter Eight, Snippet One

New Prairie Woman
Susie Rosso Wolf
Chapter Eight

Both of us were enamored by the beauty of Montana and Kurt had difficulty suppressing his instinct to look out at the nature. He took his time driving home even through Idaho and Utah. But when we reached Las Vegas he became anxious by all of the traffic so his mood changed and then when we hit California, well, he was out of control. So unlike Kurt, he began screaming and yelling at the drivers in other cars, no one could do anything right. No one. Not the guy in front of him, behind him or beside him on either side. His anger with the traffic was scaring me and several times I pleaded with him to calm down for fear he would cause himself a heart attack or a stroke and kill us both in an accident. I was horrified by his sudden change in personality and equated this change with hunger so I insisted that he eat some snacks but of course he refused. Using a little psychology, I opened a box of his favorite snack crackers and began to eat them. One cracker at a time, his appetite stirred while listening to me crunch as loudly as I could, eventually leading to his humbled request for “one or two” which led to him devouring the entire box minus the few that I consumed. Taking in some calories seemed to help but his distaste for the southland was all too apparent after leaving his heart in Montana.

Bitter-sweet emotions swept over both of us as we drove onto the Northridge off ramp in the San Fernando Valley. As we headed up Nordhoff and then turned onto Parthenia towards home, I was eager to see our dogs and my gardens. Kurt was very quiet and didn’t say one word as he steered Blackie into the driveway on Napa. He clicked the button on the gate opener and immediately Cutter, Lilly and Dinky came running out while barking their heads off and Lilly was singing and barking and howling all at the same time. She seemed to be the most excited to see us, and the most upset by our absence. Brenda opened the front door and ran out to greet us. She hugged me and then opened the back door and began hauling our stuff out of Blackie to take it into the house. She was so happy and light hearted, excited that we had the opportunity to see Robert’s home and to visit Montana and immediately began coaxing us into moving there. She started in right away teasing about how our house was falling apart and how gorgeous Robert’s new house was. I shot her down the moment she attempted to plant her seeds of manipulation because I knew Kurt was contemplating the issue. I let her know that I loved my home and that while it did need some work, I reminded her that it was built in the 1950’s and survived the 1994 Northridge earthquake so of course it had its problems but it was still a beautiful home and the nicest home I’ve ever lived in and I had no intentions of moving but that I truly loved Montana, had a wonderful visit with Robert, enjoyed my time with April and look forward to visiting again when the whole family was there, Brenda and the girls. She didn’t really let up much on her desire for us to move and then she inadvertently spilled the beans that Robert had revealed to her that Kurt was engrossed with the land across the trail and had looked at manufactured homes in Helena. When she asked to see the brochure from the “house place” I knew she had spoken to him on the phone.

“Stop nagging on this issue Brenda,” I admonished, “You’re driving me crazy. We can’t possibly move to Montana, don’t you understand what you’re asking? Think of the ramifications. Think of the risk. Think of the work it would take. Think of everything involved and how ridiculous it is to even discuss this. Just what do you think Kurt would do to make a living in a cattle state?”

“Think how wonderful it would be to have our entire family together after all of the pain and hurt we have survived and how the Lord has brought us back together for a reason and that reason is so that we can all have a good life in a place of peace and beauty where we can all grow and love each other without all the ugliness of this disgusting place. Think how happy we would be together, Sue, think about that.” She was beet red in the face and yelling at me.

“Just how do you propose that we pay for this move and where will my husband work, Brenda? The last time I looked I didn’t see Montana as the Mecca of the music industry. Not a lot of work for a sound engineer out on the ranch, Darlin’.” I winked my eye, clicked my tongue and pantomimed tipping my cowboy hat while I had my hands in my two front pockets.

“Oh you’re always seeing the negative side to everything. Can’t you just see how special life would be with all of us together, loving each other, helping each other and just being a family again? We have a new baby coming; don’t you want to be there for that?”

“You two are already planning a trip back when the baby is born?” Kurt walked in from his work shop and overheard the conversation in the kitchen.

“No Kurt, this dumb blonde is trying to sell us Montana and wants us to move there, as if that could ever be possible. She’s driving me nuts.”

“I don’t think she’s that dumb, Susie.” Brenda leaned over the kitchen table and tweaked my nose as she laughed and then raised her hand up to Kurt for him to high five her. “Remember how scared you were when you went to buy a pack of cigarettes for me and got caught in the cross fire of two gang bangers shooting at each other when you were parked at the stop light on Jellico? Wouldn’t living in the country in a place where gangs and illegal aliens and car chases on the freeway every other day don’t exist be a lot better way to live?”

“Montana has more guns than any other state in this country! Every household has guns and every truck you see on the road has a gun rack in the back of it so don’t bring up the gun issue because your argument won’t hold water.

“People in Montana use their guns to survive, not to kill each other. They hunt for their food and protect themselves from danger. They don’t go out and randomly shoot people. One of the reasons why I love it there is because everybody respects the fact that their neighbor has guns and isn’t afraid to use them. It’s a safer environment, Susie, when everyone understands their right to bear arms,” he said.

“You’re totally into this idea of Montana, aren’t you Kurt?” I looked straight into his deep blue eyes.

“Yeah, I want to move there, I’m sorry to shock you like this but I think we could have a really beautiful life there and I know you think so too. You loved it just as much as I did and you’re family is there. It would be great if I could give that to you, give you your family back.” Brenda knew the conversation had become private at this point so she got up from the table and walked outside to smoke a cigarette. I looked around at all of my collectables and my framed photography on the dining room wall, then out to the rose garden through the French windows. How could I ever leave my home for a life in the wilderness?

“Kurt, it would be a very drastic change in our lives. I understand everything you’re saying but I don’t see how we would ever make it happen so it’s not worth wasting our breath on this anymore. I’m tired, I’m going to bed.”

“All I ask is for you to think about the beauty we just came from and then compare it to this life here, in this mess. That’s all I ask, is for you to remember how happy you were there because life there is so peaceful and beautiful.”

“Okay Kurt, I’ll think about. But now, I’m going to bed. Thank you for getting us home safely, you did a great job driving up and back.”

“I’ll walk you down the hall, come on Baby…” Kurt took me by the hand and led me to our bedroom. The dogs followed us and right away Cutter jumped on the bed and Lilly followed. I change my clothes and quickly pulled back the sheets and blanket and a moment later he was kissing me good night as he pulled the covers over my shoulder. “Good night Babe,” he said. I mumbled back a reply but felt myself falling off the instant I closed my eyes. 

The next day I drove Brenda to the Burbank Airport where she caught a flight back to Bozeman, Montana. Rob fetched her from the little airport there and drove her back to Three Forks. She called us to let us know that she arrived safely and said she was so happy to be back home and described how the first thing she did was to take her Indian walk so she could look up at the sky she had grown accustomed to dreaming on. We talked on the phone nearly every day and she filled me in on how April was doing, the weather, how Rob was doing at work, how much work she herself was doing out on their land and life in general out on the prairie. Our conversations did stir a wanting within me, I must admit, and the more I drove around our city and could see again the mountain of hideous disintegration in a place that was once so beautiful and wide open, the mountains and prairies and the big sky of Montana began to tug at my heart in a haunting wanting howling voice that grew louder and louder and as the days flew by I found my meditations being interrupted by images of that sky so blue and the huge puffy white clouds and pink, purple and grey streaks painting a masterpiece in God’s heaven above. Montana had taken me by surprise and I knew that the bug I had caught all of those years ago while putting together my school project was secretly brewing within me again.