03.S06 Chapter Three, Snippet Six

New Prairie Woman
Susie Rosso Wolf
Chapter Three, con't

While rebuilding our relationship, my internal radar continued to alert me to the fact that every chance Brenda had, she brought up Robert’s name. For this reason, I hesitated when she invited me to spend the weekend with her in Sun City. She began calling me just about every day and I of course enjoyed calling her as well, to chit chat and giggle but she never failed to mention him in some way, for some reason, regarding something he said or something that he did or didn't do and each time I heard his name a jack hammer pounded on my head and in my heart and shot a red hot poker right through my chest. It was painful hearing his name, reliving the sadness of his decision to drop me from his life. And as much as my peace and harmony practices with meditation and yoga were in fact helping me to live a more balanced and emotionally stable life, eventually through the course of our phone conversations I asked her politely to stop dropping his name so much. Naturally, Brenda argued and explained her side of the story; that it was I, who needed to get over her “good for nothing heartless son” and how fortunate I was that I’ll never have to deal with his selfishness or his ego ever again. I always cried when she talked like that, still holding onto the love that I remembered.

The drive to Sun City was long and hot but served a great purpose as it provided the perfect opportunity for me to be alone with my thoughts; thoughts that were derived from confusion and that drove me to the question of second chances. Spending the weekend with the girls served as the catapult back into the land of doubt and fear. Although my daily mantra of “forgiveness and understanding is the key to happiness” absolutely held me up when the pain beat like a drum (taunting my senses) and I had carried on with my life as I continued to function in a healthy lifestyle, I simply could not stop random thoughts of Robert from entering my mind. Each time I thought of Robert, Brenda entered the picture and that lack of trust reared its ugly head. But I’m only human too, I told myself, and far from being perfect. I’ve made so many mistakes in my life and I have always received the blessing of forgivenes held my breath with anticipation. For just a slight moment, I closed my eyes to receive His graces. So before I ever reached her door, I decided to forgive both of them. To enter her home with an open heart and allow myself to enjoy my weekend with my old friend, whom I loved and cherished and counted on, as an integral part of my life. Brenda played a part in my story. I realized that in a full-fledged way as I entered her driveway and garage, honking the horn as I.